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  • Writer's pictureJules Arata

Emergency Contact by Haley Joelle



Went to the doctor today 'Cause last week was my birthday Guess that means it's been two years since I moved out to LA You thought that was cliché So we broke up on new year's

You were the end all And every phone call Whenever my tire was flat Tattooed your number So if I went under You'd be my emergency contact

Remember our living room Now it's only yours And I thought you'd follow me Not shut the door I'm stuck in this waiting room Filling out these forms Reminds me I can't write your name down anymore So where the line is blank, I'll write my mum Guess it's finally hitting me that you're really gone

Your number still memorized in my head No surprise there 'cause I can't forget you Had disappointment alone Thought I smelt your cologne Will I ever forget you?

Remember our living room Now it's only yours And I thought you'd follow me Not shut the door I'm stuck in this waiting room Filling out these forms Reminds me I can't write your name down anymore So where the line is blank, I'll write my mum Guess it's finally hitting me that you're really gone

So I guess I'm not done holding on Now it's finally hitting that you're really gone

i think that a lot of people think they know what this post is going to be about. but i think that i am gonna surprise them when i reveal who it is about.


we all have those people in life. the ones that have either always been there or when they come in, it feels as though they were always there. the kind of person where you never question their presence, their loyalty, or trust. those people you immediately feel so comfortable being vulnerable with and you just click.


they become a favorite contact, high up on your speed dial because calls from them soothe your soul and set your head and heart right. you communicate with them so regularly that your phone starts suggesting that you call or text them even when that was not at the front of your mind.


their presence excites you, calms you, makes everything better. they become a fixture in your life and you think that that will never change. and sometimes it doesn't. but that's not how it works with every person.


some people leave by choice, a disagreement, a clashing of lifestyles, what have you, but some leave unexpectedly.


i think those ones hurt the most.


not that the ones that you see coming hurt less, but there is something about being blindsided that hurts a different part of your soul.


now this kind of heartbreak has happened to me many times. that doesn't mean it makes it easier or hurt any less, but what i am saying is that i have become used to it. maybe even come to expect it or convince myself i deserve it.


this is my overthinking, people pleasing, overly trusting mind at work.


but who this is about is not a crush or a friend or a sibling. its about my grandma.


we lost her this fall.


she had this ability to make every person she interacted with feel so seen and every one of them knew how she felt about them. she did not BS anyone, she was blunt and truthful. she was the first person you wanted to tell something and she had lived so much life that you knew she would have the perfect advice for you no matter the situation.


she was the biggest cheerleader for all of her kids, wanting nothing less than the world for them. and that kindness and encouragement extended to her grandchildren. she drove to every game, performance, tournament, or competition no matter the distance. (i mean the woman was at my college graduation in dallas the same day as she was at my cousin's college graduation in lubbock) she could do it all.


the legacy she left was indescribable, but a way to explain a small part of it? everyone who knew her feels connected. we are all better people for knowing her and being loved by her. she left a family that truly enjoys being together, one that fights to be there for each other, and one that longs to know each other deeply.


i am sure some of you know the feeling of losing someone like this. losing your "emergency contact". it sucks right?


i am by no means going to say that someone else will come along and replace them, because no one can. a part of your heart will always be theirs. but what i am saying is that grief is a process, and someone one day will come along and help you shoulder it and make it just a little bit easier.


this song, while yes brings up a painful topic of having to move on, talks about something that needs to be addressed. it is okay to not be okay, just remember about this little thing called hope.


you will be okay someday.

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