if you read my post about Passion Conference last year, you already knew that i found my word for the year there. && i can honestly tell you that i had no idea how this year was gonna work out with this word: "worthy"
you may ask, what does worthy look like? how do you measure that? how do you see that lived out in your life?
well, much like last year, i do not feel like this a word that describes me. like what makes me worthy? so throughout this year i really thought i was pursuing this word in the way of trying to better understand the Lord as worthy.
acknowledging Him as worthy of all of my worship, living a life that is worthy of the Lord, one fitting of the calling i have received, realizing how wholly worthy the gospel is. && yes this year did include a lot of that. i also experienced something that i didn't expect.
i learned what it feels like to be worthy.
to be worthy of taking up space, to feel worthy of friends staying, worthy of standing up for myself, and worthy of the love of the Father. && that has truly been a whirlwind to learn. its as though i had worked myself into a place before where i had felt constantly overlooked and undervalued. so my natural response was to serve & help anyone i could in hopes that i could earn my place in their life. (&& i know this sounds sad, but i truly do enjoy serving other people)

but this year the Lord brought me into such a Christ-centered group of friends, ones that i simply cannot imagine doing life without. friends who i worship beside, who hold me accountable, ones i celebrate wins with, and go to with prayer. when i left for three months for camp, they stayed. && this was new for me. they told me, "we are sad that you are leaving, but we are so proud of you && the work you are doing, so get back fast && we cannot wait to be with you again" (yes, okay, this made me sob, happy tears)
i have only known these people since march && they have completely shifted my view on friendship and consistency and surrender and worship. this year, room was allowed for hard conversations, growth, for refinement. there was kindness in calling out, but there was also value placed in community, value that translated to being worthy.
it was a summer of feeling worthy of being a part of a team, and out of all of my five summers at Sky, it was probably my favorite group of counselors i have ever had the joy to serve alongside. they were quick to include, slow to speak, && first to invite me into their laughter. they reminded me i was worthy of His love, worthy to be a child of the King.
it was reflecting on scripture like Colossians 1:10; Ephesians 4:1; Philippians 1:27; && Matthew 6:26
this worth didn't stay just in relationships, but bled into work. i finally allowed myself to feel worthy enough to go for the promotion, to fight for my team, to fight for my voice to be heard. to share my belief that we need to remember the Lord && how worthy He is to be at the center of all that we do.
same way i ended it last year, but it's still true:
i can honestly say that i am in a very different, better place i was than i was a year ago.
so now, as we come up on the end of the year, the question is: what is my next word? what is a word that can help me to grow in this next year?
still got a couple days to pray on it && figure it out, but what else is new?
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