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  • Writer's pictureJules Arata

it's not what you think...

Updated: Dec 26, 2021

i'm that kind of person who falls hard. i would rather live in a dream world than reality. i am an extremely hopeless romantic and man do i love love.

i fall hard in every way. not just on crushes, but on friend crushes. i fall for the joy of their company, the life in their laugh, and the person i am able to be when i get to have them in my corner.

anyone who knows me knows that i love so deeply and i fight so fiercely for the people i love. sure sometimes, okay a lot of the time, i allow myself to be treated like a doormat. at the end of my freshman year of high school, the guy i liked (who had no idea) asked me why i allowed people to treat me like that and how i responded the way i did.

at the time i didn't have an answer. and i do not always respond the way i want to, that is for certain. but i do believe that was an early indicator of how i do try to respond when treated poorly now. well, the goal is to treat everyone with kindness no matter how they treat me, but that is way easier said than done. it can be hard to not linger on what people say or don't say, and as an over-thinker, its worse.

i think this poem pretty much sums up where my heart is on the subject:

"I didn't fall in love with you

Because I was lost

Or lonely

Or broken

Or needed to be fixed

I fell in love with you because

After getting to know you

And who you are

I wanted to make you a permanent part of my world

And the places and scenery may change

But whether it is for 5 minutes

Or 50 years

I would have just been happy

to have you in it"

-Joey Kidney

this post has kind of been word vomit so far, no truly coherent line of thought, just thoughts coming out onto the keyboard.

but every time i read this poem, it resonates more and more with me. in the way that i fall hard for every person in my life, i tend to assume that no matter who, it is forever. i tend to believe that we will always be in each others life, and honestly we will always play a part, just not the same size. you could call this "romanticizing" my life, which i admit i do, but i believe that it is just recognizing that we are all mosaics made up of the experiences and people that cross our paths.

but man oh man do i fall so stinkin hard, so maybe this is what you think...

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